Book Review for “MegaMom’s Wisdom for Tantrums” by Leanna Rae Scott

Leanna Rae Scott is the “MegaMom”. In her book MegaMom’s Wisdom for Tantrums-The Tantrum Book to End All Tantrums. Leanna Rae Scott offers real life insights to her Type 1 and Type 2 tantrums using her own 13 children and 48 grandchildren as her testing ground.  These insights include, behavioral conditioning, child empathy, discipline, anger issues, child behavior, self-resilience, teaching respect, and finally that the parents must remain “In Charge”. MegaMom’s Wisdom for Tantrums- The Book to End All Tantrums is a must read for all parents.

Leanna Rae Scott delivers her message in a fun, often humorous, non-judgmental tone that even busts many generational parenting myths. As a life and family coach, I enjoyed Leanna Rae Scott’s decades of wisdom and real life, non-theoretical approach to raising emotionally healthy children. This is an easy to follow parent “In Charge” approach to raising a happier child and untimely a happier family. Get your copy at www.megamomswisdom.com or on Amazon  $14.94  in paper back.

If you have a book and would like us to review it, please contact us at chrismahan@crazy8freedom.org  subject book review. For life and family coaching information use the same email subject life/family coaching.

Live BOLD Dreams

Christopher S. Mahan

Life and Family Coach

Co-Founder Crazy 8 Freedom, inc.

This is a must read for all parents of kids 0-18

 

Child Problems belong to the entire Family, not just the Child.

 

Christopher Mahan

April 25, 2014

I find it is sad that nearly every week the internet is filled with stories like these, 

“Teen shootings, teen stabbings, teen bullying, teen suicide, teens murdering teens, teens lack self-esteem, millions of school age children are on drugs for emotional and behavioral issues, teens lack of character, teen girls cutting”, teen crime” 

I want to ask today’s parents,  after seeing these headlines “are you ready to lead your child?  If your child is in the middle of a problem, it is time to acknowledge that it is a family problem, and not just the child’s problem as many families want to suggest. Parents, we cannot separate or categorizes  the childhood moments  that we want to address such as birthday parties and happy moments, and discard the difficult events when parenting gets messy.

Parenting is a full-time, life long, stressful, scary, frustrating endeavor. However, if done with a new perspective, being responsible for another person “can” be the most rewarding and fulfilling task one may ever do in life. Unfortunately, the role of “parent” for many adults is a nightmare, and one that smashes  even the most capable person down to mush. Too often these frazzled, frustrated parents tend to see only the “problem”, and the name of problem is little Johnny or Susie. The child’s problem is then defined and child is labeled. He or she  is now the outcast, the demon spawn that has destroyed the life of the parents. At this point; the family is divided, and the home can feel like an MMA main event.

Let’s get ready to RUMMMMMBBBLLLEE in the blue corner the frazzled parents in the red corner Johnny the “Parent Slayer”.     

When this happens the language in the home often becomes a “how do we “fix” the child.” Children are not machines so they are not “fixed” This is  followed up  with constant blaming of  the child, excuse making, pandering, with lots of “what is wrong with you?”,  and “what were you thinking?”  only to get the child responses of “ leave me alone,” “I do not know”,  and “you never understand me” and so on.

The final nail is the negative body language  where everyone is walking on egg shells,  only reinforcing the hurtful tone in the home. Instead, the focus needs to be “how do I/we help you?” “What do you need from me/us”? What did I do, or have done to make you feel this way”?

The focus needs to be on the solution. To do this, everyone needs to  live in the present moment with a positive future outlook. Dwelling on the past is not going to change what poor choices  may have occurred or  the hurtful things said in the past. This is true for the parents and the child. Remember too, that there are always multiple sides to a problem and the  solution. The trick is having the willingness to love each other, to see all those sides of the issues, regardless of how painful that may be and for both parties to take responsibility for their role.

Parents,your son or daughter needs you fully and unconditionally.  The latest electronic gadget is not love, that is a payoff, yelling is not listening and avoiding is not a solution.

Parents sit with your child and ask them “what can we can do about this to help our family?  Reminding your child that he or she is a valued member of the family is important. Teens, if you are having trouble expressing your feeling to your parents, write them a letter. Your feelings and concerns are yours to express, find a positive way to express them.

Mom and Dad remember, your child or teen needs you there on all levels, not just with the basics like food and shelter. Our children need us emotionally too. This is difficult for many of today’s busy and life stressed parents, however, this not an excuse to not fully connect and lead your child. Love, and connection, a feeling of significance all  heal many wounds, not an I-pad. Remember  too you are the adult, the parent, the leader,  lead with love. Start by listening without judgment or blame!

Example:  Say these statement “In my relationship with my child, I am supporting or I am blaming.

If one or more of these behaviors do not apply than leave it blank.

Relationships and our Habits

Seven Caring Habits                         Seven Deadly Habits

1. Supporting                                       1. Criticizing
2. Encouraging                                     2. Blaming
3. Listening                                           3. Complaining
4. Accepting                                         4. Nagging
5. Trusting                                            5. Threatening
6. Respecting                                        6. Punishing
7. Negotiating difference                7. Bribing, rewarding to control

Live BOLD Dreams!

Chris

To Contact me for Life or Family Coaching or to talk at your event please feel free to contact me at chrismahan@crazy8freedom.org

When You are Stressed Out, Remember to STOP

 For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.  ~Lily Tomlin

 

Christopher Mahan, April 14, 2014

chrismahan@crazy8freedom.org

In 2011, I decided I wanted to write a book called the Dream Coach that book is now the Live Bold Dreams blog. No, I am not a Ph.D. or famous psychologist (yet). Nevertheless, I wanted to write a realistic person-to-person book that was more than a motivational or self-help book, but a practical guide that would help anyone live a more meaningful and purposeful life.  As a life coach, I wanted to give people a guide to help themselves begin living a healthy and positive life.

While I was writing a section on stress and how we should deal with stress instead of letting stress deal with us, I came up with idea of STOP.  I was writing about how out of control stress in our lives destroys our ability to think critically allowing us to make a rational, fact-based decision that we can live with after the fact, versus a fast, reactionary, emotionally driven decision in a stressful situation that we will only regret later (like going to hair school at 42).

For most of us in a time of stress, the mind tends to wonder it is trying to figure out what we need to do to avoid the stressful situation based on the emotion of fear preserved to be real or not.  Have you ever recovered from a high stress situation only to ask yourself later “what was I thinking” why is this? Well, in the moments of high stress our brain says, “Get the heck out of there, or you will be eaten”. At this time, our brain instantly triggers our fight or flees (flight) response.

(The sympathetic nervous systems stimulates the adrenal glands triggering the release of catecholamine, which include adrenaline and noradrenaline)

You know this feeling, the one that makes your heart start racing, your hands begin to sweat, your nostril flare, your mind is racing. While all this is happening, your body is flooded with hormones. This is our natural reaction to danger again real or imagined; this is in our DNA. These physical changes helped early humans survive.  We needed this ability to move fast in our early history to avoid becoming lunch to a large predator or hunting our lunch. Today our body responds in the same way except today’s predator is traffic, school, work, personal conflicts, and life in general.

The problem with stress is that if we do not release all those extra hormones in a positive way such as running, working or deep meditation sessions and some classic Sade or Enigma, we can experience real health issues.  If not properly metabolized over time, excessive stress (hormones) can lead to disorders of our autonomic nervous system (causing headache, irritable bowel syndrome, high blood pressure and the like) and disorders of our hormonal and immune systems (creating susceptibility to infection, chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression, and autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and allergies (Neimark, MD, n.d.)
The truth is, we all want to believe that we have full control of our life. The sad fact is not one of us has full control of our lives, not one little second. What, you do not believe me? Well then, I will prove it to you. Try to  predict the next time you will have a flat tire, get a ticket, or that dreaded phone call from your child’s school or  your next conflict with your boss, or daughter’s dance coach, burn your families favorite dinner or get stuck in traffic. All of these are life situations that we do not have any control over. We simply react to them as we each try our best to navigate our external stress filled world.  We strive to avoid the unforeseen stress.

If we actually had the control over all of these stress situations like “we think we do” than nothing bad would ever happen to us.  We could simply control everything to our benefit. Unfortunately, this is not how life works. We can only react to an impending event or to a stressful situation, which has already come our way.  However, here is some good news for you. When you find yourself losing control of your “believed” personal control in a stress situation, remember to S.T.O.P.

Subconscious reminder: Every time you see, a STOP sign remind yourself to just STOP

STOP
S= Silence, take a moment to breath and calm down.

T= Time, take the time you need and think (control your emotions)

O= Opportunities/ Options, after you have reflected and taken some time, you will discover your best opportunities/ options to handle the stressful situation (Critical Thinking at work for you).

P= Power. After the S.T.O the POWER and control is back in your hands. Now you can make that rational choice and this is power/control. This will allow you to live with a decision made on Critical thinking versus Emotional reaction.

Reference

Neimark, Neil MD (n.d.) What is the fight or fight response?

http://www.thebodysoulconnection.com/EducationCenter/fight.html

Are You Willing to Walk on the Moon?

 

 

Are You Willing to Walk on the Moon?

In today’s crazy fast-paced world, have you ever made such a bold or farfetched statement that people thought you have been a crazy dreamer even unrealistic? I have, and sometimes my dreams have worked out well while other times, um, not so much. The idea of walking on the Moon was the just kind of bold farfetched statement 52 years ago. President Kennedy declared we would put a man on the moon before the end of the decade. This bold and crazy notion scared many people of the day. From the moment Russia, launched Sputnik in 1957 The United States was in a serious battle of political and philosophical wills at the height of the Cold War with Russia. Kennedy wanted to prove to the world; the genius and power of the United States, and I am sure to the world’s political leaders that he was a serious man of vision. Kennedy’s bold statement could have been a total bust or a defining moment in both United States and the history of humankind.  In 1962, that was the issue looming in the mind of the young, brash president Kennedy. After weeks of secret meetings and weighing the decision, JFK made his bold statement to a special joint session of Congress and the world.

 

English: President John F. Kennedy speaks on the nation’s space effort, , Houston, Texas, September 12, 1962. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Over the years, I have talked with many people that remember that time in American history. I was told that the consensus was that Kennedy was crazy, a free spirit, and too young to be president. Many feared that his comments would embarrass the United States to the world.  To put this into perspective we have to remember that the computers during that time probably had less processing power than a modern laptop. Today we all know the outcome of that historic time. We all know today the history. The monumental event seen around the world, and famous line that still floats though the universe from Neil Armstrong. JFK was a true visionary, and thank God for it, he was a real dreamer.

Today far too many people both young and old have become generations of “I can’t”. Today people are too afraid too even try. Who makes a bold statement anymore? Centuries ago people conquered new lands, the frontier of space, and the depths of the sea.  Today, people are so quick to judge, criticize each other all from behind a keyboard, and judge each other that a person stops before they even try. It is no wonder then, that people have forgotten how to declare their bold statement.  Here is a little secret. Everyone that has made a bold statement and tried even if they failed to succeed the first or even 2000s time like Thomas Edison and the invention of the “light bulb” have all experienced people telling them that their [it] could not be done, guess what it cold and we all better off today because of their courage and passions. The truth is you need to find your courage and passion to declare your own bold statement. This blog and the Facebook page “My BOLD Statement” is set up for you to do just that.

Write it down. My Bold Statement is……. I want to live my BOLD Dreams

1. Write down all the dreams you have or have had. Write down all the reasons you did not go after the dream. Even if you tried but it did not work out, write it down. Take some time to really think and focus on this.

2. Now, you have the entire list of reasons, excuses, people to blame etc. Even the fears that where so strong that you stopped dead in your tracks years ago or maybe even today.  As you read your list, are the reasons, excuses and people really what stopped you? Look in the mirror and be honest!

3. Now, take the negative thoughts, fears, and any other past distractions and write the exact opposite reaction next to each excuse, reasons, and person that negatively influenced your behaviors in the past. Are those same fears, excuses and people still a problem today? IF so get new friends.. You are now able to look back and see the situation from a new perspective. Stop living in the past with the same story. Make a new story!

Every great invention, discovery, modern convenience all started with a dream, an idea, and purpose. If excuses were important in our life, human beings would have never walked on the moon, discovered the depths of the sea; developed modern medicine. The light bulb, airplanes, cars, motion pictures, and this laptop I am writing this blog with, the internet we are sharing our thoughts and ideas with to the 4D ultrasounds to see inside the womb of life, to see the face of an unborn child. All of these examples required a bold statement a dreams and actions to make them happen. Like Kennedy and Jefferson, his peers mocked even Edison; people said Steve Jobs was a dreamer. You may even get the critics and naysayers as well and I hope you do. That means people are listening and that is half the battle to success. We need to find courage to dig deep inside or souls to know that our life has a purpose. Your life is waiting, experience it, and find the purpose planned for you. Fear is important. We need fear to appreciate joy, love, and success. I believe you can start a life-changing journey today. Take the first step and make a Bold Statement. It all starts in our own minds however; we must have the courage to tell the world to create the ACTIONS to make it real.

We have to make the decision to either be great or hide in the shadows. The words we say the thoughts we think all control our actions.  The next time you find yourself in a scary place, a place that makes you question “What” you are doing or “How” you are going to do it. Remember the “Why”. The why is the real center of the purpose and your inner-drive; find your why and then say Why not, Why not me! If you find yourself feeling fearful, and questioning your decision remember Kennedy, and the fact the Neil Armstrong did walk on the Moon on July 20, 1969, when Apollo 11, made contact with the Moon’s surface. Remember the fear and determination to succeed that Louis and Clark must have experienced as they faced hostel Indians, sub-zero winter nights in the mountains and limited supplies.

 

Buzz Aldrin walks on the moon, July 20, 1969 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today, you have air conditioning, indoor plumbing, cell phones, high-speed internet, Google maps, and so much more. Make your bold statement and start living the life you deserve to live.  Let me know what your Bold Statement is start and leave a comment below. Visit My BOLD Statement on Facebook.

Live BOLD Dreams

Christopher S. Mahan